"Triple Dog Dare Ya"

Here is a mission for the Maverick and Mr. Change:

Want to end dependence on foreign oil, get rid of wasteful energy consumption, and help rid traffic sprawl? Of course you do, and the simplest way to start is with TELECOMMUTING!!!

Why wait on mass people movers and one seater cars that run on farts, when there is such a simple solution right there for the taking? All we need is a change in the American psyche, to rid ourselves of the 1950's white collar work mentality. We need a gentle prod to convince businesses and local governments to promote home telecommuting, which could result in a reduction of 40% of all traffic at least three days a week.

http://www.fairfaxcounty.gov/telework/

BeyondBeyondDC

Oh!

Does anybody see anything wrong with this picture? Why waste all of that great asphalt for a bike lane that nobody uses? They should have a third traffic lane. Sidewalk? You have gotta' be kidding. Who walks down a sidewalk on the side of a freeway, except Ted Bundy?

naaaa naaaa naaaa naaaa

Yes, Chevy Chase, MD, Chevy Chase Bank, and Chevy Chase the actor share names, but there is really only one Chevy Chase - "Just be the ball, be the ball, be the ball. You're not being the ball Danny."

Backwards progress in the Dulles corridor

Backwards, because who in their right mind wants to drive to a parking garage just to take a train to the airport, where one then has to stand in line for hours only to get frisked by strange looking men and women? Well, women maybe, strange looking men - less so.

BeyondBeyondDC has to say enough's enough with this antiquated idea. Mass transit, and especially rail travel, is totally a thing of the past. The future lies in teleporting, ala Star Trek or Willie Wonka and the Chocolate Factory. The Federal Government is going to spend nearly $1 billion and I can't be teleported from my couch to Hono freakin' lulu?

What, are they trying to relieve traffic or something?

The Old Roslyn

Rosslyn Arlington has nothing on the small town charm of Roslyn, Wa. Once the shooting set for Northern Exposure, Roslyn is a quaint hometown. A 390-foot skyscraper has nothing on this cool painting.

Then there's the annual Moose Fest, which celebrates the town and Northern Exposure.

http://www.moosefest.com/index.htm

Be sure to stop by The Brick and have a cold one.

Drivers, busers and babes, oh my!

Three recent stories not to miss:

* Looks like a bus won't drive itself. I suppose that technology hasn't come far enough
yet. http://www.wtopnews.com/?nid=25&sid=1464786

* Looks like local schools aren't working with planning staff, and are in a pinch again.
http://www.wtopnews.com/?nid=598&sid=1464638

* This has nothing to do with anything, but BeyondBeyondDC really likes it some Olympic
women's beach volleyball.

The news feeds us broken news

The news media feeds us news that is broken. Most of the time they only have half of the story, and only half of that is correct, the other half is made up, so that's really only 25% news. BeyondBeyondDC would like to point out that in any single day, there are billions and billions of events that take place, none of which are reported. Apologies?

We are a fan of NBC 4's Pat Collins though. Pat, with his cargo pants and beet red face, always delivers the news with that out of breath monotone voice. He has the be the most entertaining newsman in the DC area. As for hottest anchor, that award goes to NBC 4's Lindsay Czarniak. But Lindsay, please do us a favor, go back that to that short spunky hairdo. We believe 100% of what she has to say.

BeyondDC, consider yourself Spoofed!

The answer is yes, it does, but don't let it go to your head.

Share a bike, get the crabs.

Ahhh, a brisk fall morning, coffee in hand, scarf wrapped around your neck, and a nice cold bike to sit on. Making your way through the bustling city is bound to come with more options, thanks to SmartBike DC https://www.smartbikedc.com/ who will offer bikes for rent.

BeyondBeyondDC wants to relate the ugly side of bike rental in general- CRABS! That's right, the not so brisk autumn morning is actually a late afternoon in August, with riders wearing shorts, sweat pouring out, and you're about to sit down on a seat that some shady looking guy that smells like Wild Turkey just got off of. The risk of picking up these pesky critters is ever present. Please carry anti-bacterial wipes with you.

Besides, BeyondBeyondDC would like to point out that people like Paul Rubens could have just used the bike to ride down to check out the local peep show.

Life's a bee-otch,

Sometimes we get busy, sometimes there's just some better things to do. Expect a new post tomorrow, maybe. If you don't like it... too bad.

Where to place our Nuclear Plants?

Both candidates are looking at increasing the country's number of nuclear [or nucular] power plants by as many as 45 by 2010. In an effort to curb rolling brown-outs from an outdated power grid, and to curb dependence on oil, nuclear power is being touted as the savior. BeyondBeyondDC asks "would you like to have a nuclear plant next door to you?"

These plants will need to be in close proximity to major urban populations for them to provide full effect, and they will need a water source for cooling. One logical location could be next door to the National Harbor.

Then there's the outdated, antiquated, and biased local zoning regulations which would be used as mechanisms to prevent these facilities. BeyondBeyondDC supposes that the plants will be OK, as long as they provide 2 parking spaces per each kilowatt of power generated, along with a 15-foot landscape buffer.

-BeyondBeyondDC

National Park Service,

Don't you realize that the National Mall used to be a boggy wetland, who's demise was the official start to the death of the Chesapeake Bay?

BeyondBeyondDC believes that it should be restored to a wetland. The Mall is currently a symbol of hippieness, and we believe that the enviro-freaks should know the real history of the plot of grass upon which they plop their backsides to watch fireworks and Peter, Paul, and Mary.

Besides this, we would save countless man hours and resources by not having to mow the grass. Grass is the most widely grown crop in the US, on which people spend the most money. It would be great to restore the original habitat of such an integral part of the Chesapeake Bay.

BeyondBeyondDC

Car for the physically fit

That's right, only skinny people can drive this car. It looks about as dumb as those freaks that would actually drive it. If you need something this ridiculous, which should only be used in the city setting, you should just take transit.

On the bright side, zoning officials could rewrite the outdated codes that riddle society with seas of useless parking, as 3-4 of these fit the normal 9x18' parking space.

The next step - cars that the driver stands up to drive, maybe a covered Segway.